The Female Led Relationship – The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

female led relationships

The Concept of Female Led Relationship


The female led relationship enables both the woman and the man to break away from the relationship’s traditional dynamics, emphasizing the patriarchal gender roles while women play the subservient position. As opposed to the conventional type of relationship, the woman in a female led relationship has as much right as the man to take over the helm and navigate their association.

In today’s world, where the playing field between men and women is generally even, the view that men should provide and take the lead in the relationship is gradually becoming obsolete. With the societal function between genders getting blurrier each day, people have begun to accept new ideas and progressively let go of the stereotypical gender roles in a relationship. Some men are fine playing second fiddle to their partner these days since it takes the burden of “manliness” off their shoulders.

A female led relationship usually involves the flexibility to swap roles between the partners. The goal is not about asserting gender roles or exert dominance over the other, but to reach a consensus between partners and voluntarily accommodate each other to enjoy a healthy, loving relationship.

Suppose the female partner has a more successful career and earns more than the male. In that case, it shouldn’t be a big deal for the female to take over the provider’s role and decide on financial matters and expenses. On the other hand, the male needn’t find taking over the carer role and managing the household as emasculating.

Is Female Led Relationship a new thing?


Female Led relationship is not a new concept, nor is it a rare occurrence. In some cultures, the matriarch in the family has full power to decide matters in the family compared to their spouse. However, the spread of religion that emphasized the patriarchal system has slowly erased the matriarch tradition until it has become more uncommon.

Even in the traditional male led relationship, the female may have to take over due to the male’s absence in the relationship caused by war, incarceration, death, abandonment, or other unforeseen circumstances. In this situation, the woman has no choice but to work, manage the household and the children, fend for themselves and decide all family matters.

Women who face this situation know that they don’t have the privilege to be submissive and dependent. To ensure the survivability of the family, they have to take the leadership role. Even when the male counterpart finally enters the picture at a later time. (E.g., the son grows up, the husband comes back from war, or the woman remarries.) The matriarch continues to take charge and make decisions on family matters.

Fast forward to the current situation. Women’s independence and ability to carve a more prominent place in society have grown thanks to emancipation and the fight for equal opportunity. It is no longer as rare for women to be more successful than their partners, thus giving them more power to occupy the relationship’s leading position. So, the female led relationship, which was once side-lined by society, slowly made a comeback and became accepted as the new norm.


Men who prefer a female led relationship


Men are often burdened with the social expectation to find the courage to take the lead. It is tiring to fulfill the expectation of appearing strong and decisive. People have different abilities. Just being a man doesn’t make you a natural leader, and just being a girl doesn’t make you a follower.

Not all men are attracted to submissive women. Some find strong and independent women attractive. There is a reason why Beyonce is called Queen Bey.  She didn’t get the title by being submissive. For some men, a woman who takes on the leading role is highly desirable.

Preferring powerful women doesn’t make men become less alpha or more beta. Allowing women to be in charge of the relationship doesn’t mean that the men are weak. Men who prefer strong women often have more self-confidence. An insecure man can find deferring to a woman emasculating, whereas a more confident man could enjoy it. By having an open mind about flexible gender roles, men can actually earn more respect from women.

Adult males raised by a strong female authority figure, especially a single mother, often have no problem coping with female leadership. They tend to find strong and decisive women attractive since those women resemble their strong mothers. They also have fewer issues with housework than their peers and are less likely to develop toxic masculinity.


How to tell if a relationship is female led?


This type of association usually begins to develop during the period of female led relationship dating.  In the traditional male led relationship, most matters are decided by the male partner, and this tendency will show up during courtship. If your relationship doesn’t follow this conventional male led relationship dynamic, it will most likely become female led.

A female led relationship is not about power dominance over the male partner. It is about enabling the woman to have a say in the relationship and easing up the man’s pressure to lead.

Being in a female led relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that female will dominate every aspect of the relationship, with the male playing the submissive role. There are four varying degrees in a female led relationship.


In this degree of relationship, the responsibilities are shared equally. Both partners will work together as a unit. The woman will take the lead in the areas they do best, as will the man.


In this relationship, the woman has slightly more control over the connection than the man. The man releases their dominance in the relationship and lets the woman take the prominent decision-maker’s role. However, occasionally the man takes the lead, especially when the man knows better.


In this relationship, the woman and her partner will swap their traditional roles with each other.  The woman will be the breadwinner and provide for the family. In exchange, the man will take over the domestic duties. The female led relationship rules are set to avoid role overlapping. The woman will do most of the decision-making. Still, the man’s opinion is often considered before the decision is made.


In this degree of relationship, the man has no say at all. The woman has the ultimate power. She controls all aspects of his life, including his finances, domestic roles, and social circle. If the governed partner doesn’t agree to this arrangement, he may find the relationship abusive and unhealthy. The man may feel it best to seek help and get out of the relationship.


The Benefit of a Female Led Relationship.


Unlike men, women tend more to communicate their impressions. When the relationship is led by a woman, they frequently want to involve their partner before deciding. Although the women have the last word, the partner’s view and opinion will also be valued and put into the equation.

Women in a female led relationship also tend to be fearless and have more self-confidence. They are not scared to be upfront about what they want instead of beating around the bush. They also have no problem paying for dinner during date night or buy gifts for their partner to show appreciation.

A relationship is symbiotic. One partner needn’t be burdened with the sole responsibility of providing all the necessities or managing the household. Balance, flexibility, and intimate communication enable both partners to feel important to their shared goals and responsibilities.

When a woman leads in the relationship, the tough decisions will be transferred to her. Some men find this empowering. Letting go of the decision-making role will also allow the man to worry less about the consequence resulting from the decision. This can free him to focus on the matters they feel most competent to address.

Both partners in the female led relationship often feel more secure in voicing their feelings. By assuming the leading role, it can help the woman to feel more self-confident.  As for men, they can simply be themselves and show their sensitive side without fear of judgment from their partner. Since there is less power struggle, the relationship can be more peaceful and less adversarial than the traditional male-led relationship.


The Dark Side of a Female Led Relationship.


There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Just like male led relationships, a female led relationship also comes with its own set of challenges.

Female led relationships may have as much potential to become toxic and abusive as male led ones. What makes things worse, society is still not ready to accept that women are also capable of being an abuser. It is harder for men to completely honest about mental and physical abuse because people seem to take these matters lightly. Some go to the extent of making fun of them. The fact is that domestic violence goes both ways, and men can need as much protection as women.

Sometimes, when the woman has to work while the man takes over the domestic chores, some men can become an unreliable partner. If they were raised in a family that trains them to do these chores, performing them will come naturally. However, suppose they were raised to believe that domestic chores are the woman’s responsibility. In that case, they are more likely to discount the idea. They could end up doing a sloppy job or simply not try at all. This would place an unfair burden on the woman both to make a living and manage the house.

Whether we like it or not, social stigma can also present a challenge. Friends and family can contribute to destructive female led relationship ideas. This is because men are often raised to believe that it is their responsibility to provide for their partners. The male-female bond must be free of any interference from family members and friends. This social pressure could poison a healthy relationship.


Female led relationship, say Yes or No?


Relationship, after all, is a private matter. The nature of a couple’s relationship is totally their decision and not for anyone else to dictate. The most important thing is to develop open, honest communication. Mutual agreement, understanding, and respect should be the basis of any relationship.

The female led relationship enables both partners to get out of their socially assigned role in the relationship. It is more empowering for both parties than the traditional relationship. However, it takes a strong and secure man to be okay with the woman leading the relationship. The goal is to have a healthy and loving association with each other. As long as both partners are healthy and happy, the rest is just noise. Remember, “happy spouse, peaceful house.”


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